That Anxiety you feel...

I know...

The anxiety you feel...

When it’s difficult to see what you do want, but you’ve realised what you don’t want anymore and you’re stuck in the place in between.

Where with this new awareness, staying put is too uncomfortable but change is too scary or inconceivable.

You live with this feeling every day, like it is eating at you. It’s hard to focus on anything else with it constantly in the back of your mind.

That feeling needs to be heard. That feeling needs to be given a voice.

If ignored or kept buried it will only grow.

This really is such a difficult place to be. It is unbelievably uncomfortable and hard to see a way out.

The only way out is through.

I know you’ve probably heard that so many times, or read it on many other posts or in self help books! But, it is true.

I tried to ignore my feelings when they first came up, but the more I did the more they demanded to be acknowledged, felt, seen and heard!

The only way I could describe it (for those visualizers out there) was like a burning ball inside my gut. At first it was subtle but the less I acted upon what it was telling me, the more active it got! The flames burnt brighter, and it started to spin, desperate for attention.

How did I manage this feeling?

I saw a therapist (of course! Being a therapist myself I knew the benefits this would bring)

I also drew this feeling as I am a very visual person and it helps to bring it to life for me and take that step in facing it rather than trying to run away from it.

This feeling was anxiety that was building and building inside of me so much that it was affecting my daily life. It wasn’t until I actually faced it that I started to realise what it was telling me. This feeling was in fact a yearning, a desire for more, a warning that I was not fulfilling my potential and I was not where I was meant to be.

When I truly looked at this I realised that this was not something negative but in fact positive, a redirection, a potential for growth. The negative anxious feeling came from ignoring these messages and feelings, ignoring this calling towards my authentic self.

I was stuck in a loop of people pleasing, a life that was meant to fulfill others but wasn't nourishing me. Afraid to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, even think the wrong thing!

But wrong by who's terms?

If I ever had thoughts or feelings that I thought were not right, or I thought would be deemed wrong or be judged by others I would suppress them. Tell myself that's not the way for me and then live by this false narrative that I had written for myself based upon the 'shoulds' that I had trapped myself in.

I ask anyone reading this now who can relate....please don't do this to yourself!

Your life is not defined by restrictions, barriers, the 'shoulds' that keep you trapped. Your life is just that....YOUR life, and it's up to you how you define it, where you want those boundaries to be (to suit you, not others!).

When we have been kept in a box and then chosen to live in that box for so long it's easy to forget that there is actually anything outside of it. When you feel that your options are only limited to what is inside your box, is that really a full and free choice?

We can allow ourselves to stay trapped in this mindset, to only choose our life based upon the small selection we have been led to believe is available. Or we can choose to peek outside of our box and see what other options are available, what other choices could we possibly have and what they might look like to us.

Once you look outside of that box, it's really hard to unsee what else is available to you, what else could be an option for you and what other choices you could be making for yourself.

This is scary, I get it!

Because if you decide to choose something different, it will be noticed. It may raise questions, eyebrows even! It may go against the grain of what others expect of you or clash with the 'shoulds' you had put on yourself.

I think the hardest thing here is not necessarily worrying about what other people might think, because ultimately and eventually, they will get over it! Raised eyebrows, sighs of shock and murmurs of judgement don't last forever, people eventually get back on with their own lives (they have to!).

The hardest thing, is the worry about hurting the people you truly care about and how your decisions are going to affect them. You will be thinking about how they are going to manage through YOUR change (again putting others before yourself and your needs and even thoughts of how you are going to manage through your own change!), but truly, that is not your responsibility. This was a big lesson I had to learn and you will too. They can and will manage in their own way just as you will manage yourself in yours. Those people who truly love you, get you and care about you will stick around and adapt to the new you and will eventually get it as they see you happier than before!

Those that don't....well...they only benefitted from you when you were pleasing them anyway...that says a lot about them!

And quiet honestly....if my experience is anything to go by, you'll then think, why on earth did I hold myself back and choose to stay trapped in these worries for so long?!

For all you fellow foodies out there....

I can relate this to being in a restaurant and given a menu seeing that there is only a choice of 3 starters, 3 mains and 3 desserts. You look around and think that for a place like this, this seems to be a rather small menu. Here, you can choose to be one of 2 people...

1. You make a choice based upon the only choices that have been offered to you and think to yourself that you will be happy with what you get, you love food and this restaurant has been highly recommended by the people eating with you so it should be good and they seem happy so you're happy.

2. You follow your feeling that, this can't be the only choice and look up to see all of the delicious foods that other people are eating at their tables that are not on this menu. So you politely ask the waiting staff what other options are available, only to find out that there is an entire other menu with plenty more choices, but the staff had assumed that you were there for the lunch time offer and forgot to offer you a glance at the a la carte menu. Now you are glad you followed your gut, had the courage to ask and are even happier with the options that are available. Able to make a choice based upon your appetite, not adapting your appetite to the options presented to you.

Like I mentioned before, there will be those who came to the restaurant with you who choose to stay and eat with you, perhaps shocked that you had the balls to ask as it was out of character for you, but they are happy to choose between either menu and enjoy the meal. On the other hand, there may be those who choose not to stay, perhaps they are embarrassed, who knows! But either way they may leave...and that is their choice.

But for those out there who worry 'is that ok? is it not too harsh though?' 'I don't hate them and don't want them to starve!', I can just settle with the first menu...

well, it is ok! If you're still reading, I feel I know you, I was you, and although you may have changed, you are still kind, compassionate and caring. But you need to remember this...it is THEIR choice and it doesn't mean you are cruel or uncaring. Their decision is their decision and you are not responsible for it. They can and will still eat (just as you would want them to)....just not at your table.

The point is...I know...The anxiety you are feeling right now while you are pondering all of this is to the point where uncomfortable is an understatement...

But honestly the life on the other side...

The one outside of that box you've called home for so long...

The one where the full menu is available (including an all you can eat buffet!) and the box becomes an option!

THAT life...

...is truly delicious!

And once you get a taste for it...

Well I'll let you see for yourself when you get there...and you can tell me ;)

I truly hope you start choosing to see the other options available to you.

If you need help getting there, exploring what other options might be available to you,

or a safe space to manage your anxiety and make sense of your feelings, allowing them the space to be seen and heard.

I am available for therapy and coaching to help guide you through. You can message me any time :)